Networking at TOPS

[James Hazlerig]

Last Summer, I set up a booth at my local county health fair, and as chance would have it, I was placed next to the local chapter of TOPS (Taking Off Pounds Sensibly), an international weight loss support group. Several of their members came over to my table for free hypnosis samples, and they invited me to speak for their group sometime.

Well, slightly over a month ago, while I was in a freeform brainstorming trance, my unconscious bubbled up the idea that I needed to contact TOPS, not just to speak but also to join. (Though I've dropped weight since I started applying hypnosis to the problem, I still have more to shed.)

So I went to the meeting that night, and it happened that they had no program for the night, so the leader asked me to speak about hypnosis and weight management.

Well, it's about a month and a half later, and I've found it to be an increasingly good networking source. The members are not rich, so I designed a series of group hypnosis sessions within their price range; the organizers are kind enough to give me a moment to make announcements immediately after the meeting is officially closed. My first group session is scheduled for this Sunday, and I've already sold all the seats.

It's also proven to be great motivation for me. Every week at the weigh in, I've weighed less than I did the week before, and last night, I won the prize for the most weight shed. When asked what I attributed my steady improvement to, I smiled and said, "Hypnosis!"

There is one thing, though, that's bothering me. On one hand, I find it helpful to fit in as a method to build rapport and connections; on the other hand, as a hypnotist, I want to rewrite a lot of the language the group uses.

For example, at roll-call, every member answers either, "I lost," or "I'm glad to be here." The person who has done best that week is called "the best loser." Unconsciously, it seems as though even in the moment of greatest success, the members are calling themselves losers! (In my sessions, I never use the phrase "lose weight.")

I've also noticed that in the pledge they recite every week, the improvements are all phrased in the future tense. There's a list of ways that members will not use food, and we all know that nots are often lost on the unconscious. Finally, the idea that members overeat in private is included in a subordinate clause, like a presupposition.

It's troubling to hear so much counterproductive language recited on a weekly basis, so I'm wondering how long I need to wait before recommending changes to a pledge that an international organization has been using for decades. I fear it may be a lost cause.

[Scott Cooper]

Hey James,
Your in a win/win opportunity. Your getting better health and support with your health, and as time goes, the croowd see's what a cool, knowledgable person you are and you start to get questions on the side and you are gaining huge rapport.

I'm with you on the want and never adds.. There are just so many of them that I tend to press delete to save my time and energy and avoid getting my hopes up just to hit another Trick and Trap.

So perhaps, become an asset to the leader, she seems to support or may support your many skills. And down the road, the karma of suppporting her, might have her ask you, "James, how can I return the favor" and you let her know you are a hard working, honest hypno looking to build clientel,,, leave her all of the areas you can help in, perhaps get them on her website, or have permission to hand out your brochure and speak once the meeting has been closed, or what ever is appropriate for their forum.

Phrasing affirmations brings value to the group, it improves the groups ability to succeed.. So perahps you can be the groups success coach,, I ran a group at a church,, one of the elders brought a little cow bell, when he heard somone negatively speak or speak to long as they were a buzz kill for the group,, he'd give it a ding a ling,, the group would stop and have a laugh and we'd all rephrase what we were attempting to communicate,, It only worked because the elder was a very fun guy,, had that "Your busted for negative talk" look in his eyes and no one was aoofended,,, not my style yet it worked,,

Totally with you on lose, lost, words that bring the group's moral down and at the unconscious level as well,,

"I've found my ideal weight,, I imagine myself at it when I look into my own eye's, I give my sub/c clear direction, You can do this through your own actions with grace, and they will notice,, may not say anything in a group,, might approach you when they feel safer, after a meeting in the parking lot, whatever..

So as you journey back to Jame's ideal weight,, you become authentic to the group and now you are one of the leaders of the group,, your opinion is asked more often, ,you are receiving more and more new clients..

Onward and Upward,,

Scott

[James Hazlerig]

Hey, Scott,

Thanks for your kind words and suggestions. You're right that charging in and trying to change everything is not the way to go about it--which I realized from the start, just as I knew that merely being there to market without contributing would do me no good. (It's much the way that some people post with such brilliance here that I *want* to buy their products, and other people post only to push their products, which just makes me decide to *never* get their stuff.)

Fortunately, the leader of the group is one of my biggest proponents. She's very excited about our upcoming hypnosis workshops. And I'm doing what I can to help out--I've even offered to move the club's supply cabinet in my truck when we change locations this month! :-)

Here's the plan I've formulated. I'm going to slowly teach the group about how to phrase affirmations. Some of this will happen at my separate workshops, and some of it will happen when I'm doing presentations at the meetings. (They are often looking for people to present.) Over time, I believe they will start noticing the flaws in their pledge, so I'll never have to address it directly. They'll make the connection, and then I can help them rewrite it if they want.

As for the terms "lose" and "loser," I'm going to keep coming up with and using alternative ways to answer roll call. As I return to my ideal body size, they'll notice it more and start wondering why I never say "I lost."

Overall, I have to add that the group is really great despite my desire to tweak their language. They are very positive and supportive. They don't gouge the members for money or try to sell them on expensive meal plans. They are all about sensible weight control--it's right there in the name. :-) I'm going to encourage my weight management clients to join.

The only downside from a marketing standpoint is that TOPS is kind of the poor man's Weight Watchers. Folks in WW and Jenny Craig can afford those ridiculous meal replacement plans--but I can't see spending the money to join them in order to network . . . Still, I think TOPS is going to be a big boost to my business and my goals.

Similarly,

[Scott Cooper]

Hey James,

Congrats on returning to the weight that is best for James. I bet your self esteem feels great and your unconscious is on a shopping spree to get new jeans or whatever it is you enjoy wearing.

Sounds like you are a hit at TOPS. What an opportunity to help a group of motivated people to enjoy better health.

Here is my slant. I've worked with groups, yup, similar, their verbage could be improved. Yet, someone wrote that, feels that it is "Fun" and likely might be offended or a little miffed if the new guy is already trying to make changes, than seen as trying to take over, even though this is not your intent.

How about finding the leader of the group, writing them a nice letter that you can hand to them at the end of a meeting to digest for the future?

Dear Leader of TOPS.
Thank you very much for helping myself return to my ideal weight and supporting "Hynosis Works" at the TOPS meeting.


FYI,
It is through my practice that I have learned that our unconsicous mind doen't react to negative words, ect..

Here is how it works at it's best and here is an example "Imagine yourself at your perfect weigth, now turn inside and notice how good you feel,, blah,, blah,, "

Here are some great word suggestions for you to consider.

"I imagine having a very healthy, tasty meal, I see myself being grateful that I easily can eat the right portion for my best health. I future pace into a nice walk in the leaves, enjoying the colors, feeling the great feeling I get from the endorphins,, blah,, blah,, "

In closing, consider that it is scientifically proven that "People that Feel better, can live better, heal better, are more creative, can create positive change,... ect..

Positive first paragraph,, what you intend to communicate in the middle,, more postive at the end.

"This has been and will continue to be a wonderful, growing, prosperus group and I thank you for all that you do..

I feel a letter shows that you care, you took the time,, you put it on paper,, you hand delivered it,, showing grate follow up..

Go James Go..

Have a grate day,

Scott

[James Hazlerig]

@Sheila--I'm fairly accustomed to silently revising things I hear people say, so I'm not too worried about hearing them say their pledge. My mind is going to hear my voice louder than any of theirs. :-)

[Sheila M. Street, CH CI T.NLP]

I have to agree with James - the whole idea is if you "lose" something, eventually you will try to "find" it again. We've been programmed that way in most areas of our life. For the TOPS organization (like most weight-loss organizations), it's built in obsolescence to use the word "lose". So trying to get an international organization to change what they consider to be their "success" record in getting people to reduce (even if they gain it all back later) is probably futile.

Both my Grandma and my Mom "lost" huge amounts of weight through TOPS, became Queen and Princess in the same year after "losing" 90 lbs. and 85 lbs. respectively (they've both passed on, and I inherited their ribbons, plaques, pins and other TOPS jewellry). Within a year or two of those monumental feats, my Grandma regained 45 lbs. and my Mom managed to put back on the 85 lbs., plus more. So they tried once more - pretty much the same results, except my Mom didn't "lose" nearly as much as before, and my Grandma's health failed, so she stopped. Mom was never able to "lose" it again - but for an additional negative reason, as one of my Baptist aunts came visiting and found her "visualizing" to help reduce her weight; she told Mom it was the Devil's work, and Mom dropped out and quit trying to reduce her weight completely after that - she died weighing in at 340 lbs. - and not quite 5 feet high.

Just remember, James, that unless you have ear-plugs in, your subconscious is going to hear that pledge, regardless of how you alter your own. Unfortunately, if you protest too much, they'll probably work to make you an outcast. Been there, done that, too.

[James Hazlerig]

@Kelley--thanks for the encouragement!

I realize that the term "loser" may be undergoing a change in connotation, but I still can't help but be a little bothered by it. :-) Your advice about quietly leading by example is probably the path I'll take--but it's easier for me to be quiet about it at meetings if I've expressed my thoughts about it here. (I don't think anyone will even notice if I slightly alter the way I say the pledge.)

[Kelley Woods]

First, congratulations on your own personal weight reduction success, James; there is nothing like using our own modality!
My thoughts about attempting to change the TOPS formula is that it is important to remember that this group identifies with certain language in a positive and motivational manner. The word "lose" has positive context for TOPS. When group or social mentality defines language, it takes on its own special meaning. Think of the reality show, "The Biggest Loser", for example. Most of us HypnoThinkers cringe when we hear that title, yet most of the obese general public longs to be a "Biggest Loser".
Instead of pointing out the "wrong" language usages and structure at this early stage, why not continue to highlight your own success with a flurry of "correct" language at every possible opportunity. When members look at you and see success, they will subconsciously mimic your attitude and speech to gain their desired outcome.
Best wishes,
Kelley